Redefining what it means to be “successful”
Whether it is at work in your professional role or in your personal life, it often seems that acquiring “something” is what it takes to make some people “feel” successful. There are so many instances when an individual has shared with me that they just want “X” in order to be successful (“X” could be a job promotion, a nicer house/apartment, a more expensive car, etc.)
Unfortunately, possessions are not the most important marker of success. It’s actually being a certain way (e.g. respectful, honest, authentic, ethical) that is more the marking of a truly successful person.
Allow me to share a short story.
Several years ago, an individual who had championed many changes for the field in which I worked was recognized with a “lifetime achievement” award. This award was for the valuable body of work which the individual contributed to their industry. The award was delivered in front of 2,000+ professionals in the field and he was able to relish in the accolades, especially receiving the honor in front of peers. From the outside looking in, this definitely had the markings of success all over it.
This is where things take a turn.
In front of an audience an individual can look successful. However, working with them behind-the-scenes can reveal their true character, and that is just what happened. The award winner volunteered on a particular program that had reached its natural lifespan. The program was no longer utilized by clients and it was on a dated technological solution. Upon evaluating its ROI, the decision was made to eliminate the program. Since I led that initiative, it was my responsibility to inform the volunteers (who had helped run the program for years) that we would be terminating the program. Upon delivering the news (as gently as possible), several informed me that while they were disappointed, they understood the decision. The award winner, on the other hand, did not appreciate the news and requested a follow-up call to further discuss the decision.
As the follow-up call approached, I was open to expect anything from the award winner and I believed that he just needed to vent.
Since it is a human desire to want to be heard, I showed up ready to listen.
However, something unexpected happened on the call: the award winner immediately started questioning me (as if it was some type of an interrogation interview). He refused to accept anything outside of a reversal of our decision and, when that didn’t happen, he used another tactic: he attempted to manipulate and intimidate me by name-dropping the CEO of a multi-billion dollar organization who sat on my company’s Board of Directors. At this point, I knew I had to stick to the company line and allow him to do what he felt he needed to do.
It’s important to note that:
I had been given a directive by my leadership team,
I had no idea if the award winner personally knew the CEO, and
Importantly, I was following the guiding principles of my organization: provide exemplary service to all clients (including volunteers) while being respectful to others and being mindful of the budget and the bottom line.
In the end, he was bluffing.
At first, I was angry about how the award winner had communicated to me, but then I realized how sad it was. This person, who had been so “successful” in his career, did not use (or possess) the skills of collaboration, influence or empowerment. He used combative language and tactics that weren’t befitting a professional with his level of experience.
As I recounted the interaction with a trusted colleague in the industry, I was informed that during the award winner’s “glory days” he was able to call company offices throughout the nation and this alone was enough to instill fear in team members. The dreaded phone calls would get team members to respond quickly. In other words, the award winner learned through years of practice and refinement that he was able to get people to act through intimidation and fear. This was downright the opposite of what I expected to learn of this person.
The experience taught me this important lesson: while it is possible to obtain a “lifetime achievement” award based on external measures of success, this is not what it means to be a truly successful person.
Attempting to lead and influence solely through title and position will only last as long as one is in that role and as long as others of influence allow this type of behavior to continue.
True success comes in many shapes, sizes and forms. In order to have the levels of impact (aka success) you desire, first show up as the honest, empathetic leader your team needs. This award winner could have spent his career dedicated to collaborating with team members, building meaningful relationships and enhancing his communication skills in order to connect with everyone on his team — from the senior-most executive to the junior-most associate. Leading this way has a proven positive impact on a company and, more importantly, actually adds enrichment to a person's life (something that his colleagues cold have remembered for years to come).
One way of going down the path that leads to a lifetime of success is by doing introspective work and learning how to move through challenging issues while remaining empathetic and holding others (and yourself) accountable.
Emotional intelligence is a huge component of this.
What Does Success Mean to You?
Let’s discuss what authentic success looks like for you and your company.