“Once I’m the boss, everything is going to get better“
Several years ago, a co-worker was walking down the hall in a huff. She had just had an unpleasant conversation with her boss (admittedly, he was a person with a very low EQ). As she passed, she mumbled, "When I have power, things will be different.”
I was surprised by her statement because (unbeknownst to her) she already had “power.”
Obviously, she could not control her boss’s statements, but she had complete authority (and the option to) react differently to the conversation. She could have heard the same comments he made and asked questions or understood that he was (most likely) using all of the “tools” in his toolkit to conduct the meeting with her.
She actually had a well of internal power that she was not using and, in fact, handed over day in and day out, as proven by this statement. Her viewpoint was clearly that: (a) a person only has “power” when they are in a position of authority/leadership and (b) power is the ability to have control over someone. Unfortunately, in this situation, she viewed her boss as the only one with “power” when that was far from the truth.
So it begs the question: what is power? This word has become so ingrained in our culture to mean that power is having authority and/or control over someone — whether it be their income, their job, their possessions or even their life.
Having control/authority over someone is not true, authentic power.
Authentic power actually comes from within. It comes from accessing the deep wells of inner strength that we all have.
And where do we draw our power from? We draw it from four key areas that provide us with critical information. And it’s talked about in several genres of books, including business books.
Daniel Goleman talks about it in his bestselling book Emotional Intelligence.
It’s mentioned at length in the acclaimed book Crucial Conversations.
Paolo Coehlo addresses it in depth in his modern classic book The Alchemist.
And it’s also a key subject in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink.
We draw our power from the sum of our beliefs, our emotions, our thoughts and our words. And, just as in our personal lives, one crucial way to maintain healthy/authentic power is by setting and maintaining strong, healthy boundaries.
Both my colleague and her boss could have changed the situation/conversation with their own reassessment of boundaries.
There is a clear difference between positional/title power and authentic power. Positional/title power only lasts while one is in that role/job, whereas authentic power follows a person everywhere they go in life. And one way to not only continue to increase your power, but also up-level your leadership and influence, is to establish and maintain strong and healthy boundaries. It shows respect for yourself and, most of all, for your organization and your co-workers.
As an aside: One of my favorite definitions of boundaries is by Brené Brown who defines boundaries in her book Rising Strong as “simply our lists of what’s okay and what’s not okay.” She goes on to explain, “When we’re living in our integrity, we’re strengthened by the self-respect that comes from the honoring of our boundaries, rather than being flattened by disappointment and resentment.”
Want to Stand in Your (True) Power?
Let’s discuss how you can access your authentic power.